Doctor J

Bow Down / I Been On - Beyoncé (by LiridonAliuMUSIC)

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 19:17:24 -0500

Bow Down / I Been On - Beyoncé (by LiridonAliuMUSIC)

awesomepeoplehangingouttogether: Rita Hayworth, Orson Welles...

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 13:14:18 -0500

Rita Hayworth, Orson Welles and Marlene Dietrich

Rita Hayworth makes the same face I would make if confronted with Marlene Dietrich, but does it while being Rita Hayworth.

Photo

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 19:56:46 -0500

minutia-and-mishigas: Some people hold a grudge a long time.

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 19:22:00 -0500

minutia-and-mishigas:

Some people hold a grudge a long time.

The Official Dolly Parton Tumblr!

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 21:42:12 -0500

officialdollyparton:

Welcome to the OFFICIAL Dolly Parton Tumblr, showcasing some of the best of YOUR Dolly themed Tumblr posts! Be sure to tag your Dolly-related posts with “Dolly Parton” for a chance to be featured right here! :)

yes please.

Madame Clairevoyant

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 13:55:00 -0600

Taurus: This week is going to be about a strange hunger, a deep and desperate need for closeness with other people, for closeness with the world. You can feel it as an ache all over your skin, feel it following you around, feel it hovering over your head. When it gets stronger than you think you can handle, try to focus on the way air touches your skin, focus on the songs that burrow deep inside of you, focus on the smell of soup simmering in your kitchen. Hold hands with your friends and cut each other’s hair and read Love and Rockets.

Goddamn Claire. Why you gotta make me feel things and think about my life when I’m trying to be all cynical and detached?

therumpus: Another great round of starry wisdom from Madame...

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 17:51:38 -0600

therumpus:

Another great round of starry wisdom from Madame Clairevoyant. If you haven’t yet read her statement of purpose from last week, do: it’s lovely. In it she says,

I still know hardly anything about actual astrology, though. A lot of people have really put in the time time to learn about the nuances, the complicated parts, the houses and trines and decanates and all of it. I am not there. I am better (I hope?) at paying attention to the people around me, the weird bendy logic of our lives, the emotional textures of the world. My roommate and my sister are both Leos, and they’re utterly different, but there are all these eerie coincidences and resonances in their lives. All the Tauruses I know are totally different except that they aren’t totally different, and I can’t put my finger on what exactly makes up that strange little core of sameness, but that’s where I try to locate these horoscopes.

And without further delay, your horoscopes for the week:

Aries: This week might feel a little distracting, a little unsettling, but not in a terrible way. Instead you won’t quite be able to get comfortable, you won’t quite get your clothes to feel right. Try to slow down a little. Live in the pauses and gaps between conversations, the moments when no one is looking at you, and get lost in the pattern of raindrops on the window. Try to release some of the tightness in your head. Unwind your thoughts a little bit and respool them so they sit looser inside you. Tip your waitress really well. Give up your seat on the bus.

Taurus: This week you’ll find it hard to shake the feeling that you’re a little lost, even if you know you’re grounded and safe. Don’t get too obsessed with this feeling if you can help it. You’ll drive yourself crazy, otherwise, trying to map every inch of your confusion, of this sadness that you can’t explain. Take a break and go get a slice of pizza down the street. Take a break and visit your friend at her job. Take a break and look at the ground and stare up into the sky and remember where you are.

Gemini: Your world this week is going to be filled with a really great, really big kind of brightness: bright colors, bright eyes, bright sunlight shining through your window or glinting off the snow or the car windshields or the fence posts. The whole world will seem so sharp and clear and illuminated that you’ll have to squint to see it. This week might give you a headache, might deliver up weird truths that you’ll need to shield yourself from (for now), might gift you brilliant and wonderful things. Wear a hat when you go outside. Remember to feed your cat.

Cancer: If you feel a little weirder and a little lonelier than usual this week, it’s okay to hold onto things a little tighter than you think you should. It’s alright to ask your friends or your cousin or your mom to hug you and make you a cup of tea. Sit in the park, in the library, in the train station and try to remember how solid your body is, try to lay claim to your feelings and your weird desires. Hold them in your hands, carry them with you, in your pockets, in your purse. Hang pictures on your walls. Read about space. Read about mountains.

Leo: This week you’re going to feel a little soft, a little tender, a little vulnerable, a little too exposed. This week might be a week when just the fact of having a body feels intense, the kind of week when you get upset and angry at strangers on the street for even looking at you. This is a good week for clothes. Dress carefully, dress for mobility, dress for warmth. Protect yourself. Dress like you have never been afraid before in your life, like you’re made of fire, of acid. Dress like MIA. Dress for the world you want.

Virgo: This week, for reasons you can’t explain, even sad things, serious things are going to seem so funny to you, feel so light. It’ll be unexpected and it’ll be such a relief, but this lightness might also make you wonder about yourself, make you wonder if you have a cold and callous heart, make you wonder why you protect yourself from the world like this. It’s okay. Watch serious movies and laugh the whole way through. Watch Clueless and weep at the end. Wonder at your strange emotional reactions to this strange emotional world.

Libra: Your emotions are going to be stronger than you this week, stronger than your logical brain, stronger than the muscles in your thighs. They won’t take you over if you listen to them, if you let them wash over you for a moment, if you let them fill you up. They won’t drive you crazy if you don’t let them. This is a week for sneaking off to the bathroom and crying when you need to, it’s a week for hugging your friends really hard, it’s a week for laughing and laughing and laughing over nothing at all.

Scorpio: This week’s going to a week of openings and exposures and uncoverings, a week of unwrapping layers, of peeling back surfaces to look at undersides, of peering into interiors that are dark and shiny and surprising. Think about scabs, think about sycamores, think about gifts. It’s not as gross as it sounds. The things you can find under a rock are remarkable; what’s hidden in closets could blow you away. Sit on these secrets for a little bit. Keep them under your pillow. Press them between pages in your book.

Sagittarius: This is a week for making lists, for organizing your pantry, for cleaning the inside of your oven, for cleaning the inside of your head. It is not easy to put the contents of a brain in order, to sort out your thoughts so they lie even and flat and quiet. It’s so much simpler to clean your house. Focus on the things you can touch. Then focus on the sounds your thoughts make before you go to sleep at night. Then focus on the ways that silence echoes and bounces through the hallways in your house and the staircases in your brain.

Capricorn: This is a week for letting things out of your body, a week for unburdening and unbottling and sweating it all out. This is a week for telling your secrets, a week for telling your coworkers too much over lunch, a week for getting in the kind of fights over the phone that you’ll have to apologize for in the morning. These things are not that fun, but after they happen you will feel muscles inside of you unclench, and you’ll feel clean and light. Play guitar in your room at night. Dream about flying.

Aquarius: You’ll feel so distracted from work, from school, from painting your living room and fixing the leak in your sink, this week, distracted from all the things you’re supposed to be paying attention to. This is going to be sort of a pain, but your brain will have a huge and wonderful capacity this week for paying attention to beautiful things, to colors and qualities of light and different kinds of smiles. Don’t ignore the things you have to do, but also don’t forget the snow outside. Keep your eyes open for pink sunsets and for the yellow light in your kitchen.

Pisces: This week will feel a little like a dream, like something from the future, like a movie. It’s not good or bad, it’s just something to try and remember when your floors feel slanted, when the air feels thick, when songs all sound a little sharp, when you can’t say the things you mean. Shave your head or your face or your legs. Wear different makeup. Say your own name until it feels strange in your mouth. Stare at your own face in the mirror until you recognize it, then until it seems unreal, then until it’s familiar again.

This week’s horoscope and the statement of purpose made me tear up a little. So good.

All I want in life is to watch ANTM with Helen Mirren.

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 16:45:47 -0600

All I want in life is to watch ANTM with Helen Mirren.

I watched all 3 hours of the Golden Globes and all I know is...

Sun, 13 Jan 2013 22:52:00 -0600

I watched all 3 hours of the Golden Globes and all I know is that Jodie Foster is the most confusing lesbian and Lucy Liu is the most beautiful person.

My philosophy on exercise

Sun, 13 Jan 2013 19:09:44 -0600

whatshouldwecallme:

“Carlisle convinced his Irish friends to make the journey...

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 14:51:45 -0600

“Carlisle convinced his Irish friends to make the journey to Forks. Although we were grateful for their help, their thirst for human blood complicated the situation.”

Life motto.

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 14:25:34 -0600

Life motto.

therumpus: MADAME CLAIREVOYANT’S SPOOKY SCOPES Aries: Something...

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 11:28:55 -0600

therumpus:

MADAME CLAIREVOYANT’S SPOOKY SCOPES

Aries: Something might happen this week that will reveal a darker part of your insides than you want to see. Dark like the ocean, not dark like the sky. Suddenly it’ll all rush back to you, memories of things you said to your sister, secrets you whispered about girls you went to school with, ways you looked at homeless men on the subway. It’s not quite that you’re supposed to feel guilty—don’t scrub your soul with bleach—but stand in the sun and make room in yourself for this quiet knowing.

Taurus: This week your mind is going to be filled completely with demons, real and possible and imaginary, and you’ll fail to convince yourself that any of us will survive the year. Your friends will talk about Barack Obama and they’ll tell you about the stranger who gave them money for the bus and they’ll walk with you to the top of a mountain, but it’s unlikely that you’ll be won over. This hopelessness will be almost comforting. Write back to your old teachers. Cry to football games on tv.

Gemini: If things have been hard for the past few weeks, this week they’re going to start to lighten up slightly, slowly, strangely. When your fog lifts, trees will seem so much bigger, your face in the mirror will seem narrower, the sky’s going to seem very broad and very empty. You don’t have to make sense of it. Go for a walk with someone you love a lot and look around at this new space you’re living in. Lean your heads on each other’s shoulders and make disgusting jokes and laugh until you can’t even stand.

Cancer: Memory will haunt you in a big way this week. You’ll feel ghosts circling around you, trying to grab hold you, stealing little bits of you, but you won’t mind (probably) because you’re happy to give them what they want. Think of every neighbor and cousin and art teacher and car salesman. Send them letters, send them leaves, send them your heart, send them your shoes, and then stop. Hold on to yourself. Go to a bookstore and ask for something read. Go to a butcher and ask for something eat.

Leo: When it gets really lonely and weird inside your head, watch how neatly the landscape in your brain maps itself against the landscape that you move through in the world. See the shape of your thoughts mirrored in floor tiles and cracks in the asphalt, in the mottled bark of the sycamores by the park, in churning whitecaps in the river, in the rows of brown, bent corn stalks running out to the horizon. When these emotional maps tires you out, go home and watch Clueless, eat an ice cream sundae, eat a bag of chips.

Virgo: Think about the terrible people you’ve been charmed by in your life—those older kids from down the block, your prom date, David Foster Wallace. Something in the movement of the earth this week is going to render their charm ineffective. Its rotation will reverse and make you invincible. Your eyes will be clear and you’ll see through it all. This week they’ll be laughing at all of your jokes and sitting by the phone for your call. This redistribution of power might not be permanent, but keep this feeling with you.

Libra: You’ll have to make a decision this week and it’s probably going to seem a lot more important than it is. It’s going to feel huge, though, and you’ll see signs everywhere telling you what to do—a dead mole in your garden, a crumpled letter in the laundromat, clouds shaped like sigils. Whatever language of symbols you make up for yourself: trust it, believe it. It won’t be wrong and it’ll change your life, if not in the way you think. Read about saints, read about icons, read about Baba Yaga.

Scorpio: You may not even realize you’re doing it, but you’re getting ready for the winter. You can hibernate, you can migrate, you can live on dumplings and tea and television. Clean out your house, clean out your head. Get rid of the things that won’t keep you warm. Keep your teapot and your blankets, keep the picture of your grandma at the beach, keep the crumpled photo of Toni Morrison that you ripped from a magazine at the library once. Renew your driver’s license. Take your vitamins.

Sagittarius: When you sense a hurt coming this week, you’ll to try to fold yourself up so small, wring all the water out of your head, vacuum the air out of your insides so you can crumple up completely. Resist this. Your emotions are 70 percent water, same as your body, same as the surface of the earth. Try not to apologize when someone forgets your name or forgets to call or jostles you in line. Let yourself swell, just a little. Make bread, make prank phone calls.

Capricorn: Remember the times you got lost when you were very young: at the grocery store, at the Fourth of July parade, at the beach. Remember that panic then remember the relief. You’re going to think about the future this week and it’ll will feel somehow similar. There are changes on the way, though you might pretend you don’t see them when they pass you on the street. Try to stand still when fear grabs you. Stay alert and look around and make eye contact with the people in your life. Feel dreamy and self-indulgent and strange. Sit by the window.

Aquarius: There are slow chemical reactions going on in your life: whether slow decay, slow growth, or a long, slow rearranging of cells. Things that broke your heart a very long time ago are just now working their way through your system and it’ll seem unfair and wrong, maybe, that these old heartbreaks haven’t fully disappeared. Forgotten moments of malice and tenderness are going to show themselves to you—mess with you—as they deconstruct. Listen to the Gits, wear weird lipstick colors, get a tattoo of a honeybee.

Pisces: Spend your time in front of mirrors. Look at your reflection in the windows of buildings as you walk through your days. When you’re stuck in traffic, examine the freckles and scars on your hands. When you’re going to bed, run your fingers over your soft arms, soft stomach, soft thighs, as if you’re searching for something. It’s going to feel unfair, when you keep staring into your own eyes in the mirror and can’t quite locate a self, your self. At least, not definitively. Not enough. Sit on a couch with somebody older than you and examine their fingernails, their eyebrows, their smile.

OH MY GOD NOW I JUST SAW THIS ONE. CLAIRE DID YOU WRITE TAURUS JUST FOR ME??? YOU ARE TRULY CLAIREVOYANT.

therumpus: It’s Monday again. That means another round of...

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 11:26:40 -0600

therumpus:

It’s Monday again. That means another round of SPOOKY SCOPES FROM MADAME CLAIREVOYANT:

Mercury’s going into retrograde tomorrow. (Mercury’s always going into retrograde.) This time, it’ll be around for almost all of November. Be kind, be careful, back up your files, don’t follow your dreams anywhere weird.

Aries: This is a strange week, things are in flux, and every morning you’re going to wake up cold and sweaty and wondering where you are. You might have unsettling dreams this week: dreams in black and white, dreams in color, cartoon dreams, dreams with subtitles. It’s going to be exhausting, spending this kind of time inside your own brain. It’s going to be exhausting, carrying these dreams with you all day. It’s going to be exhausting, always dreaming about donuts and waking up hungry.

Taurus: When some jerk tries, this week, to convince you that you’re not smart, it might throw you for a second, it might distract you all day, it might burrow deep into you and hide somewhere, growing, waiting to burst out of your chest. If you wanted to step hard on their foot or to accidentally spill your coffee on their pressed white shirt or to give them very wrong directions to the party, it would not be inappropriate. You’re very smart and this is an excellent week for small acts of revenge.

Gemini: You’re going to be shocked by how slowly the world seems to be moving. If you can slow your body down to match it, just for a while, things will be easier for you. Turn the heat on in your house. Put on a sweater, put on two sweaters, stand at the window wondering why the birds are moving so leisurely through the air. Let your sister borrow your clothes, let your neighbors borrow your lawn mower, let your dog sleep on your bed.

Cancer: You might make a lot of mistakes this week but they’ll all be so small, they might be charming or (probably) invisible. Still, you’ll see them and catalog them next to the stammering voicemail message you left for that girl that time, the things you said in your old diaries, your Dave Matthews cds. This embarrassment is not the worst thing. This embarrassment is more important than happiness.

Leo: Feel so calm this week as you stretch yourself into fall. The air is cold and sharp and your days are going to feel clear and simple. You can feel this clarity shining out of yourself; you can see it reflected back to you in the eyes of your roommate, your baby, your bus driver. Feel a weird gentleness that you don’t quite trust or recognize. This is a good week to ask for things and give things. This is a good week for reading in public spaces.

Virgo: This is a spectacular week for you to get angry. Kick someone in the shin, yell loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, burn your anger into the sky over your town. Remember the girls in high school who used to make scenes in the cafeteria and slap their boyfriends right in the face. You didn’t understand them then, but now this week you’ll wish you’d learned something from them because you’re going to want to bleach your hair and get in people’s faces and write gossip on bathroom walls.

Libra: Spend time making things. In the kitchen, in the garage—it doesn’t matter as long as you think about blood. Be careful. Think about how easy it would be to send a staple right into your hand, think about how easy it would be to lose half a finger, remember the time you spilled a pot of boiling water all down your leg when you were a kid. Make safe things and wild things. Make casseroles for your enemies and soup for your friends.

Scorpio: There’s a feeling of losing something that you won’t quite be able to shake this week. Check for your keys, your wallet, that form you brought to the library to photocopy. You probably won’t lose any of those things or anything at all, but you might feel worried and superstitious all the same. Clean your house and you’ll feel better. Burn a candle. Order a pizza and watch a cop show, just to calm yourself down, to clear the air.

Sagittarius: This week will bring a forgetfulness that feels unexpected and utterly new. You’ll try but be unable to remember the name of your high school bully. You’ll stay calm and distracted when you drive past streets that hold unspeakable memories. Don’t feel bad about forgetting, just don’t forget to water the basil on your windowsill. Don’t forget the texture of your grandmother’s hair. Don’t forget to eat.

Capricorn: When you can’t sleep this week, turn on the radio. Think about the songs that shocked and hypnotized you when you were young—the one you heard once on a subway platform, the one your friend’s mom used to sing in the kitchen, the one your babysitter let you listen to on her headphones. Pay attention this week and you’ll hear these songs coming from cars, from doorways, from boom boxes on a shoulders. Follow them if you can.

Aquarius: If you find yourself losing your bearings, these are some helpful ways of looking at the world this week: think of yourself as cirrus clouds, wispy and cold and far away, or altocumulus, puffy and heaped. You are beautiful. You bring storms. (Not always—it’s up to you—but often enough.) Think of yourself falling from the sky as rain, think of yourself being absorbed into the earth. This is a perfect week for a haircut.

Pisces: Expect to be haunted by absence and by negative space. You can’t look at anything without focusing on the air around it, you can’t open your mouth to speak without feeling an emptiness in your lungs. Move around your world and look at all the hollow spaces: empty glass, empty streets, empty bed. This won’t last forever. This sounds so much more grim and so much lonelier than it actually is. This is a freedom.

Just saw this but loving it right now. Feeling my Taurus horoscope.

Carol Burnett’s Star Trek Parody

Sun, 21 Oct 2012 23:28:49 -0500

Carol Burnett’s Star Trek Parody

libraryjournal: theparisreview: This weekend, seven hundred...

Tue, 09 Oct 2012 17:57:38 -0500

libraryjournal:

theparisreview:

This weekend, seven hundred members of the Jane Austen Society of North America congregated in Brooklyn for its inaugural meeting, a discussion of sex, money, and power. Anna Quindlen delivered the keynote. Cornel West addressed suffering. And, of course, bonnets were worn. “This is a place where people can let their Jane Austen freak flag fly,” said one attendee. [New York Times]

Holy moly.

But where was Dwyane Wade???

Photo

Thu, 27 Sep 2012 10:33:28 -0500

For screamingbrain. In a time of ancient gods, warlords, and...

Fri, 21 Sep 2012 23:39:24 -0500

For screamingbrain.

In a time of ancient gods, warlords, and kings,

a land in turmoil cried out for a hero.

She was Xena, a mighty princess forged in the heat of battle.

The power. The passion. The danger.

Her courage… will change the world.

‘Star Trek’ co-star gets Walk of Fame star

Tue, 11 Sep 2012 18:12:30 -0500

‘Star Trek’ co-star gets Walk of Fame star

Star Trek Google Doodle!

Fri, 07 Sep 2012 13:05:50 -0500

Star Trek Google Doodle!